Ever wish you could double back and spend some time with your younger self? Well, we may not be able to time travel, but we’ve got the next best thing – a heart-to-heart with nine incredible women who’ve been there, done that, and are ready to spill the tea. From laughter to life hacks, join us as we dive into the unfiltered advice they’d share with their younger selves.
“First, appreciate your body and treat it like a temple. No junk food, and exercise daily. Be very selective in your relationships with men. Having preference is important. Listen to your elders when it comes to saving and investing. Don’t waste too much money on material things which hold no value. Instead of leasing apartments, you should be purchasing property. And, learn to end friendships at the second sign of an issue. Don’t try so hard to make the friendship work when people show you who they are. Accept it as a season and move on. Choose a career you’re passionate about or you’ll wish you had. Finally, back to men… choose the nerd guy who’s fun to be around but not quite “cool enough to date”. Don’t put him in the friend zone. Choose him, he’ll push you in the right direction.” Leslie, 58
“There’s a difference between self-reflecting and over analyzing. I wish I had this awareness 20 years ago. I think it’s healthy to consider all options, to educate yourself and be open minded to other opinions and variables. However, it’s destructive to obsess or replay “what if” scenarios; more often than not, other people’s opinions ultimately are of little importance and the anxiety you create is both unnecessary and toxic. I don’t mean to imply you should be a careless asshole who is blunt, crass and builds a wall to push others away (though there are times this is both necessary and enjoyable). But rather, you should treat yourself with the same love, kindness and compassion you show others. It’s ok to be imperfect and make mistakes. This world would be so absolutely drab if we were all the same and conformed to societal norms. Show up and do your best. If you’re less than impressed with how something is going, evaluate, learn, make changes, forgive yourself, and move forward.
You and only you are responsible for your happiness
This advice will sound cliche, but it’s invaluable and actually more difficult than you realize when you’re young, in love, and trying to figure out who you are. If you don’t like where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re doing it with, take a leap of faith and make a change. Don’t focus on what you’ve invested, count your losses and move on. Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward. Trust yourself. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. The trials and tribulations mold you into a kind and caring person. People say it takes time to heal from trauma and pain… and unfortunately they are correct. You will want to fast forward to get to the good part, but don’t lose sight of the beauty along the way… even in the darkness. You will still have nightmares long after you’ve healed, but know you make it through. You will never be the same person you were and that’s ok. Don’t grieve the part of you lost or waste time worrying about what could’ve been. Somehow, you end up very happy and land the most loving, caring, and attentive husband who takes care of you at your worst. He has the best sense of humor, is really sexy and is amazing in the sack. I don’t know how you get so lucky, but be patient. Maybe don’t kiss so many frogs along the way looking for your prince. When you meet your person, everything changes. He has an amazing ability to comfort you, make light of your most embarrassing moments, and make you laugh through tears when your body is failing you. He grounds you and shows you unconditional love that you’ve never known.” Julie, 43
“Smile! God loves you. Learn to love Him back. Learn to love yourself. You have a good brain. What’s inside of you is far more important than your outer appearance & what you think about yourself is way more important than what others think about you. So, strive to make yourself proud of you. Everybody makes mistakes. Don’t waste time beating yourself up after making one – Be sure you learn from it. When you feel afraid, keep going. Don’t let feelings control you, that’s what your brain is for. Use it. Always do your best. Work hard. You ARE enough. Learn to LOVE to read. Read as many books as you can. Being different is not a bad thing. Feeling different is not a bad thing. Embrace all your uniqueness & God-given talents. Recognize others’ uniqueness. When in doubt, trust your own instincts over others. Be kind.” Carmen, 52
“Give priority to your own happiness and love life. Only spend the money that you’ve earned and tried to save some for my future” Ana, 65
“Your imagination is AWESOME! You are smart and creative. Never let anyone or anything silence you. You are more than enough. You’re Divine. You are beautiful. Simply lovely. Carmel skin, long legs, ample bosom and a smile that lights up any room. Guess what? You have a genetic facial defect that people go crazy for when you smile…dimples! Yep! Everyone is different, and that’s ok. You are one who stands out in a crowd… It’s ok to say NO. No is a complete sentence. Say it loudly if necessary. And once, in any given situation, should suffice. Forgive yourself. Mistakes happen.
Also, forgive yourself for what you may not have known
You can never know everything; even when you are smart, creative and know a lot. It wasn’t your responsibility to take care of the adults and the children. Children are carefree spirits who should be nurtured and guided. You should have been cared for…treasured. Yes, it is good to care and share, but not at the risk of giving your all…sacrificing your innocence and joy. Your well-being is paramount. You do not have to say yes to be liked, or to be a part of the group, especially when you really want to say NO. Take a chance. You’ll never know if they really wanted you to sing at their wedding because you didn’t follow up with a call. Everyone isn’t setting you up for failure, or harm. Write, Write, Write. You have a powerful voice, full of wisdom and it should be heard. God really does work it ALL for good for those who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose. Learn photography. You have a great eye. There will come a time in your life when you unlearn many things, and you must learn to let go of things that burden you, or no longer serve you. Pruning, if you will, in order to grow, and during this process, we must often elevate or advance alone, or risk becoming stagnant. Those who love and respect you will cheer for you, and those who make you feel less than because of your achievements, don’t value you and therefore don’t matter. Let them go… Life is filled with ups and downs, so be kind to yourself as well as others. Love deeply and unapologetically. Laugh, listen to good music, especially the music of your heart, and dance often. You were right not to like gossip. Self-care isn’t selfish, it is self-preservation” LaChana, 58
“My Dear Lula Rose, don’t be afraid of aging. It’s a different world than youth, but it is full of its own wonders as long as you stay inquisitive and active. Everything changes – how you react to those changes is what matters. How can you do this? There are many ways, Lula. First, develop a strong spiritual life to aid you in the good and difficult times through prayer, mediation and reading the word of God. (Proverb 3:4-5) (Psalms 91). Young lady, surround yourself with positive people, choose your friends wisely, embrace some younger girls that you can mentor and become a volunteer in your community. Don’t allow fear to stop you from trying new experiences, and never think, “I can’t do that because I’m a woman”. Become a lifelong learner. It will be profitable for you for many years. Be who you are and be confident in your choices. Never be cookie cutter and the same as everyone else. It’s about you and your journey. Are you listening? Furthermore, don’t stay in relationships of any kind that are unhealthy or toxic. Become as independent as you can financially, professionally and in your own pursuits of happiness. Earn enough money to buy your own house, your own car, go on vacations. If someone comes into your life who cherishes you for yourself then that’s a bonus. It is ok to say no which is taking care of your body, health and wellbeing. “Live to be 120 years old”. Don’t be afraid to seek a professional counselor when life gets tough (and it will). Let others help, you don’t have to do it all by yourself. Remember your way is not always the best way.” Lula Rose, 72
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“You are beautiful and you are enough. Stop second guessing and apply yourself. Don’t take that break from college just go straight through and complete it. Soak up all the knowledge you can while you have the support. Just do it. You will be so happy that you did. The things that have come to break you will only make you stronger. Use the hatred that comes your way as fuel to become a better you. Work on how quick you are to react to things that come your way. Don’t allow people to have Power over you. Kisha is not your friend!! Separate yourself from her immediately. Same with Arsheia. You will save yourself a lot of heartache by doing this. Put more focus into your Health & working out. You will not be young forever. Start making your health a priority. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy. It is needed for your growth and your healing. You need to forgive and move on. It is ok to say NO, you cannot save everybody. Being related to a person by blood does not make you family… Focus on yourself. Keep up with your cosmetology knowledge. You can always fall back on that if needed. I want you to Believe in yourself!! You are smart, beautiful, and you have an amazing heart! It’s ok to think about Kendra & whoever doesn’t like it, oh well. Block the negativity out & just focus. You got this girl!!” Kendra, 38
“I would say embrace change and uncertainty, for they are integral to personal growth. I’d stress the importance of self-belief and following my passions and dreams. I’d urge her to treasure relationships, prioritize well-being, and maintain an open mind. Attend college away from home, guard her time against those who would waste it, travel more, and continue prioritizing an open-minded approach to life and make sure you’re secure with doing all that.” Esther, 42
“You are too trusting of the adults in your life who are supposed to lead and guide you. Once a person shows you their true colors, believe them girl and move accordingly, even if it is your mother, auntie, sister, cousin. Holding a grudge and staying mad forever will serve you no justice. You have to forgive people for your own peace of mind. Let it go and I promise you your life will be so much better. Your anger with others will delay you in your life’s journey and cause fear in your adult life. Start building your own relationship with God now. Pray for guidance and plenty of grace because you will make mistakes. There are many phrases that you’ll use and refer to throughout life. “Walk by Faith, not by sight”, “What is for you will always be for you” and “Fuck them people”. That will be your go to for a lot… I know you hate being the oldest. It’s a lot of pressure when your brother and little cousins are looking up to you and watching your every move. God put you in this position for a reason. We don’t know why but this is a good example of walking by faith. Just trust the process, the reason will be revealed when it is time. You will have many dark days, mostly because of your own choices and decisions, however you won’t stay there. And if you get out of your head and out of your own way and let go of that thing called fear, you will see the light again sooner rather than later. That valley you are in is not sinking sand; ask for help. That left turn you took did not lead you down a one way, you can circle the block and start over. There will be other routes to take to get there. You won’t always have control over every situation, sometimes that detour is needed.
Cry about it and then thug it out!
Trust your instincts. Everything in life is a lesson (good or bad). The goal is to learn the lesson, or you will repeat that shit until you get it right! Oh, and read more than just fiction books, girl! Make your vision and the desires of your heart plain. Write it down to make it real and set goals to get there. It’s a process but it’s worth it baby, I promise you! Oh, and travel more. Learn the world and then expose the kids to more (yes, we got kids bitch. Can you believe it?!). When you plan and budget, everything is possible. Again, read non nonfiction! There’s a whole lot of knowledge in books. You delay a lot of goals with your piss poor planning. Get to it! A lot of people think you are mean and may not like you. That’s cool. That just helps us weed out the ones who don’t need to experience your vibe. Especially when it comes to men. No matter our age, we will always be “too ghetto” for the bougie ones and “too bougie” for some of the ghetto ones. But like we say, “FUCK THEM PEOPLE!” Continue to do you.” Jessica, 39
